Testimony: Lola Green
Hello! I'm Lola, I have been attending Impact for about 4 years now, I am 15 and I am entering my Sophomore year of High School. I was raised in a christian home, and I grew up going to church, knowing Jesus and believing that he died to pay for my enumerable sins. There was never a moment I can remember that I didn't believe it, and as a result I took it for granted that I was saved when I was little, and now I could do whatever I wanted. That of course, turned out to be my downfall. Growing up, I was that kid, the really annoying one that thought she knew everything, wanted to be better than everyone, exaggerated things too much for it to be even occasionally cute, and I was mean. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother, all younger than me, and I bullied them. I was an awful person to be around. At school, at church, with the people I wanted to be liked by, I was bouncy, Happy, friendly, and kind, but at home, more often than not I was disrespectful, angry, spiteful, and unpleasant. I had highs and lows, when I turned 13 and covid hit, I was a mess. I was confused, and angry. Anytime I tried to focus on my spiritual and behavioral problems it was as if there was a dark cloud hanging over me, blocking me from seeing anything clearly. I came to youth group, I went to Church, I thought about God. My views on God, Christianity, Jesus, Prayer and the Bible were that they were for church on Sundays for the grown ups to listen to, youth group on Tuesdays as an excuse to see friends, play games and eat snacks, and for the ten seconds right before you eat dinner.
My life was going to be fairly straight forward. 1: grow up finish school and get a job as fast as humanly possible. 2: get married, and have kids. 3: grow old, die, and go to heaven where I would spend the rest of eternity riding flying lions over a golden city. In between all of that I would go to Church on Sundays, Pray before dinner, and teach my kids bible stories. This idea stayed with me for a long time, until I started paying better attention during the church services and at youth group. I started to realize that knowing who Jesus is, believing that He dies to save me, and then just living my life was not the same thing as being on fire for Jesus, or having a real, healthy relationship with Jesus. I thought I was fine! I went to Church, I read the scripted prayers, I sang the hymns, and I read my bible... sometimes. The problem was, that I didn't care. God gave me, he blessed me with the ability to retain information and to figure things out, to find the answers to questions and to solve problems. It’s why I love riddles so much; it’s the reason I'm good at school. A lot of the questions I had, I already knew the answers. I had figured them out. But I simply didn't care enough to actually do anything about my situation. I don't want you to misunderstand me, there were some nights all alone, when all I wanted was to be closer to God. I had realized that I didn't care, and so once in a while, when I remembered, I would ask God to make me care. Then I'd go to sleep thinking everything was fixed. I would start reading my bible, start praying, and finally have a relationship with Jesus like all the people at youth group kept talking about. The next morning I would forget all about it.
My parents like to talk about “the carrot and the stick”. The concept of the carrot and the stick is simple. To get a donkey to do something, you can either reward it with a carrot, or you can hit it with a stick. It took me a long time to find out the stick, threat of pain or punishment, rarely if ever works on me, the carrot however, does. God knew I needed a carrot, so he gave me a bite.
Last February, was the High School winter retreat. It was a really great retreat! Great lessons, great fellowship, great music, I was having a blast. On the last night, we took communion. I had taken communion before, it wasn't anything new to me, so, as the worship team started playing background music, I went and grabbed a cup. Again, I don't want you to misunderstand me, by then I had realized that christianity wasn't just something to be involved in on the side of your daily life. I had realized that I could have a personal relationship with Jesus. So, as I sat there in the dark, I asked God to give me the meaning behind it all, to really show me the importance of what Jesus did, I asked Him to make me care. About that time, the band started playing “death was arrested”. Not wanting to draw attention to myself being only person still sitting down, I stood up with everyone else took the top off my communion cup, ate the cracker, and tried to take the top of the juice. Well, it wouldn't come off. I kept trying for a few seconds, then I thought 'whatever, I'll just pop it open with my fingernail.' well, that didn't work, so I just put it in my pocket. That was when I realized that it actually had worked, and now I had sticky juice all over my hands. Then I realized, what the grape juice was symbolizing. I had the blood of Jesus on my hands. My heart started racing, I was trying to calm down, and then the band got to the point in the song (death was arrested remember?) where it gets all quiet and goes “darkness rejoiced as though heaven had lost” and the band just stopped. They completely and totally stopped, for what felt like forever but was probably only like 5 seconds. “but then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand, thats when death was arrested and my life began!” You know the rest of the lyrics. It’s an amazing song. I broke down crying and I didn't really stop for about an hour. God had given me a wake up call that I desperately needed. Over the next few months I developed a habit of reading a chapter of the bible every night before bed, but God wasn't done. A couple of months later, Dunes happened. I think it was the very last song of the retreat, they played graves into gardens. At this point, no one had a voice left to sing with so we just screamed. I can't describe the joy I felt in those moments. Every corner of my mind, every fraction of my soul, every piece of my being, was worshipping my Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ. I was filled with an inexplicable, unquenchable, unparalleled joy. I got a tiny taste of heaven.
God gave me my carrot. The feeling I got from worshipping Jesus is my whole purpose. Man's chief end, is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever. Never has that been made more clear to me than in the moments when I was fulfilling it. In the four months since then, my outlook on life, my behavior, and even the thoughts I think, have changed. Jesus is there among my thoughts. Prayer is my go to in moments of stress, fear, or uncertainty. All my life, I have been a fairly optimistic person. There aren't very many things that, with the right company, I don't enjoy. But the pure joy I felt that day at dunes has led me to seek the same, joy in doing things that glorify God, and content me as a result. Matthew 5:16 “and in the same way, let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven”. I am far from perfect, but a great deal of the confusion, lack of direction, and just plain grumpiness has disappeared. My direction now, is to glorify my God. And lately, at the end of the Tuesday night lessons, when Chris asks, 'Who do you think you are?' I smile, because I am who He says I am: I am a child of God.