Testimony: Emma DeVries

I’ve always tried to find a creative way to start my testimony other than saying “I grew up in a Christian household…” but that’s the truth. I was blessed to have been introduced to Christ and the Gospel from a very young age. By the time I was five or six, I understood the basic principles of the gospel and of faith and considered myself to be a believer.

Growing up in the church, I had the opportunity to hear testimonies from so many believers. I would listen to their stories and was amazed at the hardships they went through and how God led them through those trials and closer to Him. I remember being in middle school and feeling like my story was SO boring - like my faith wasn’t as legit or deep as these other believers whose faiths had been tested and triumphed. Which is so not true - by the way. If I could go back in time to my younger self, I would tell her to be careful what you wish for.

I was homeschooled through my sophomore year of highschool. I then finished out junior and senior year at Clover Park Technical College getting my AA and studying cosmetology. My Junior year was especially tough for me. I was entering a whole new season where I left a lot of things that were comfortable to me. And a lot of things that I placed my identity in. I quit my long term sport, gymnastics. Transparently, I took an unhealthy amount of pride in being a gymnast. In tandem, I left the homeschool community which was full of my closest friends.

At that same time, I was really struggling with my family being so involved with the church. And I know when I say that, it sounds so terrible. But the reason that it bothered me, is because of the pressure of who I felt I needed to be, where my faith needed to be; how I needed to present. With all of that going on in my life and in my heart, it brought me to an unexpectedly low and lonely place. It started with feeling like I was lacking a place to belong. Like I no longer knew who I was or where I fit in. Who was I supposed to be and did that line up with who I wanted to be?

Those questions and feelings sent me spiraling into a deep pit of anxiety and depression, which resulted in isolation. It got to the point where I’d ask myself questions like: Do I enjoy life? Does mine truly matter? And I spent a few years dwelling with these suicidal thoughts in this pit of darkness where I contemplated the worth of my life.

The summer I graduated, it became evident to me just how far I was struggling with my faith. I still knew all of the Sunday School answers, I could deliver the gospel to anyone and everyone if I wanted, but I had no idea who I was in the Lord. I realized at that time that it was overdue that I pursue my faith for myself. I then started on the slow and hard path that would take my back to the Lord.

That Fall, I started my first year at Ecola Bible College. That year I sought community through my classmates down at college, I began to rekindle my relationships with my friends and family up here at home. Later that year, I sought mentorship through Jill Newman who is still mentoring me to this day. And over the course of that school year, through the Lord’s provision and the loved ones around me, I began to rebuild my faith and relationship with the Lord.

The Lord’s timing is so astounding. He knew who I needed to be, and where my faith needed to be, in order to survive the coming years. The summer between my first and second year of college, the Lord called my mom to heaven after a brutal battle with cancer. And in a season that would be so easy to turn from the Lord in despair, to blame Him for that hurt and loss and head right back into that deep pit, the Lord surrounded me with a community who showed me exactly why the Lord is so good, even in loss. They showed me how to praise Him in suffering.

Around that time, I was also going through a really tough relationship that left me feeling like I was very broken. There was a lot of myself that was taken from me. A lot of me as a person, and a lot of me my heart, that had not been handled with care. And that required its own journey of healing and trusting the Lord to help piece my heart back together.

Over the last few years, the Lord has really worked in my heart to draw me close to Him. He has provided me with such a rich community who have grieved with me, hurt for me, and also who have constantly reminded me of the Lord’s goodness. And I of course want to loop in my wonderful husband who treasures me deeply and who exhibits the things I just previously stated and more. The Lord has been patient in my processing and has healed the parts of me that I know I cannot on my own. And I want to emphasize that it was not my work that led me back to the Lord. But it was His goodness and mercy. I now know that the Lord is so faithful and constant, even when I am not.

In college, I had a professor who said, “If the Lord feels distant, guess who moved.” And that just shined such a spotlight that there is a call to action on our side when it comes to our relationship with the Lord. He is near and He is willing - but are we?

A verse that has always stuck with me is Joshua 1:9. It was a theme verse one year at the summer camp I went to growing up and I have been so grateful for what it has been in my life. It says, “Have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

This verse tells me that I have an identity in Christ, it tells me that I have a place to belong in Him regardless of my situations. This verse is also a promise that there is no darkness outside the grasp of the Lord, and there is no heart too far gone, no one who cannot be restored.

I was so inspired by Ely when she share her testimony recently. When she said, ‘Our testimony is never complete this side of heaven’ that really stuck with me. I am so grateful for the healing and strength that has taken place in my life and in my heart. And I am so happy to have found where my identity truly belongs - which of course is a child of God. I also know that my healing is still a work in progress, I know that there will be more trials in my life. And so when those times come, my prayer is that I will be able to look back on those trials and know that I clung to Christ, and His truth. That - through God - my faith was sturdy and unshakable from the trials of this sinful and broken world.

And above all else, I pray that my testimony and who I am, is actually a reflection of Christ’s identity and what He has done. How He loved us so much, that He would suffer for us. That He would face loss, rejection, hate, He took on every single one of our sins to bridge the major gap between us and God. And because of that sacrifice through death and resurrection, we have the opportunity to dwell in His kingdom forever. So I encourage you to search your heart, cling to Christ, because He is waiting for you.